there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
