Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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