Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
