Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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