Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
