There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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