There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
