On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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