2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
