I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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