Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
