Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
