took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
