You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
