If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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