We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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