I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
