living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
