you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
