Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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