You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
