you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
