she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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