I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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