we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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