Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's like heaven, but drunker
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
