The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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