By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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