he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
