So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
