The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
