In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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