I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
