Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
