very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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