when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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