it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
