just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
