you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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