well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
