Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
