My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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