i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
