FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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