i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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