what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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