Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
