Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
