you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
