Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
