oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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