I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize