i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
