Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
