its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
