Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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