Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
