there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
