I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
