the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
