I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
