Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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