It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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