In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
