I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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