Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
